Musings about Japan and life as a human, a cosplayer, a minority, a music lover, an English teacher.

Dear Japan: “Foreigners are more promiscuous” is just a stereotype.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not lewd, perverted, promiscuous, etc. My modeling photos are not overtly sexual–maybe they might have been a looooooong time ago, but if you’ve ever visited Model Mayhem, you’d think that I was an angel compared to other models.

So, with some of these modeling photos posted, I was a bit surprised to have received messages from several Japanese men on mixi, all expressing interest in dating (or not) and commenting on how beautiful I am. At first, being called ‘beautiful’ by a Japanese guy was rather shocking to me, because of how much the “kawaii” look and the “blonde-haired, blue-eyed” look is pushed in Japan. I thought that, aside from the hip-hop J-boys who seem to have a Black female fetish (haven’t met one but I’m sure they exist), there may actually be some guys who don’t care what color a woman is, and recognize beauty regardless of ethnicity. I’m sure they exist too, somewhere out there.

On top of that, I know that there are Japanese men who, not only recognize non-Japanese beauty, but can also recognize and appreciate that woman’s personality.

Unfortunately, two of my previous experiences on mixi do not include such men.

One of my experiences is described in my latest YouTube video. This guy was nothing but a horndog, looking for a woman who lived nearby that he could get into bed with. How do I know this? Because after we became friends on mixi, I saw his recent activity and noticed that he became friends with several other women, all around the same age (the youngest being 18 and the oldest being 27) and all living in Hyogo Prefecture, which is where he lives and where I live.

Not long after things ended with this guy, another guy who lives in Hyogo messaged me. His messages were very short, which told me that nothing good was going to come out of this. The conversation went something like this (in Japanese):

Him: Can I talk to you?
Me: That’s fine.
Him: Do you have a boyfriend?

Me: No, but…why do you want to know?

Him: I’m just interested in foreigners.
Him: Is it okay if I ask you something?
Me: Sure.
Him: Are you interested in sex? ❤
(2-3 minutes later)Him: Was that not okay to ask…?

My mind could have blown up from reading that question. After what had just happened, this only made me more annoyed. I responded as follows:

“That’s not okay.

I’m not interested in sex.

By the way, I looked at your profile and noticed that you have a girlfriend…so why are you asking me such a question?”

At that point, I didn’t care about sounding rude or making grammatical errors in Japanese. I was really pissed that this fool had the audacity to think that he could just message some foreigner under the impression that I would be willing to be frisky with some random guy such as him.

His answer was something along the lines of, “I thought foreigners might have been frisky after all. I’m sorry. I do have a girlfriend so I won’t message you anymore!!”

One might think he would’ve felt some kind of remorse for attempting to cheat on his girlfriend of a mere four months, but I’m sure he’ll be continuing his search. His words struck me though–did he really think that foreigners would just sleep with anyone if asked?

Other questions popped into my head as well: Did they truly see me as attractive, or did they just think I was some easy foreigner? If the second guy was seeking to cheat on his girlfriend, why would he ask me if I had a boyfriend? If I had said yes, would he have left me alone, under the impression that I was in a happy relationship? Did he find it somehow okay for him to cheat but not for the woman that he asks?

Is this all making sense? Even if it doesn’t, it doesn’t matter. The bottom line is that they’re jerks.


2 responses to “Dear Japan: “Foreigners are more promiscuous” is just a stereotype.

  1. Chantelle January 30, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    I really feel for you 😦
    I’m hoping to go to Japan too and I’nm black so i’ve been wondering this a lot. It’s such a shame that the idea of western beauty for a lot of Japanese guys are light skin and blonde hair. I hope you find someone to prove that wrong!

  2. flabbergast June 11, 2013 at 12:41 am

    i recently joined a dating site(knowingly setting myself up for some awkward online harassment) because a japanese friend of mine recommended it. she met her current boyfriend through the dating app. i didn’t/dont expect to find love, but i didnt expect what did follow. i had the same reaction as you. i cant decide if it is due to a strange internet culture or if it really is like you say, that japanese men have a stereotype towards foreign women. thus far, i have had over 20 very short conversations with japanese men(and two women!) that followed exactly along the lines of the conversation you described. they ask where im from, do i have a boyfriend, and will i have sex with them, usually in the form of “i want sex.”. some ive continued the conversations just to see where they would go, but none of the men continued when i started sounding like we wouldnt be getting our groove on.
    2 out of three all list themselves as in a relationship and seem to have no shame it share this information nor any regret in looking for flings on a dating site where they can easily be recognized and called out. (found a friend who i know has been in a two year relationship with a girl who didnt recognize me until after asking to meet and freak.

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